1 00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:10,900 production number 0764 recording date 31171 take 1 2 00:01:15,949 --> 00:01:19,090 They're late as usual, aren't they? No, you're fast, mate. 3 00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:22,410 What? 4 00:01:22,770 --> 00:01:26,990 What are you doing here, mate? This is Boxing Day, boy. You're not on till this 5 00:01:26,990 --> 00:01:27,990 afternoon shift. 6 00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:30,650 I know that. I'm just waiting here with my brother -in -law. 7 00:01:30,970 --> 00:01:34,390 Oh? Yeah, we're waiting for the 10 .45. His mother and his sister are on it, 8 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:36,470 yeah. They're going to stay with us for the rest of the holiday. 9 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:37,669 Oh, very nice. 10 00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:38,670 Nice? 11 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,300 Yes, it is not bad at all, yes. 12 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:41,860 Did you have a nice Christmas day? 13 00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:45,400 Oh, very nice, yes. There wasn't a single bus on the road just this 14 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,140 yeah. It's a one -day -a -year -old and really relaxing. 15 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:51,820 Well, your buses are driven, that's the one day in the year the puppet can 16 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,580 relax. Well, there's no need to be offensive, you know. There's no need to 17 00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:58,560 your temper. Oh, oh, oh, Dracula is a bad mood this morning, isn't he? If 18 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,180 excuse me, his stomach's a bit upset. 19 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:03,300 I'd have dropped too much to drink last night, to be truthful. 20 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,320 Well, you should know your capacity by now. 21 00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:08,080 Two pints of blood's your limit. You shut up! 22 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,440 Yeah, hold on, here's your 10 .45, now go and get out of here. 23 00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:30,250 Was Mother and Sister on the bus? Yes, of course. There they are. 24 00:02:30,770 --> 00:02:31,770 That's it. 25 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:36,930 Hello, Mother and Sister. And how's my little Arthur getting on? Very well, 26 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,550 thank you. And Linda. 27 00:02:38,930 --> 00:02:39,749 Hello, Arthur. 28 00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:43,230 Hello. Do you remember Stan or his brother? 29 00:02:43,450 --> 00:02:46,810 How do you do, Mrs... Oh, yes. I haven't seen you for years. 30 00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:49,130 You still a bus driver? 31 00:02:49,690 --> 00:02:50,690 Yes, that's right, yes. 32 00:02:50,930 --> 00:02:53,750 Oh. Thought you'd been an inspector by now. 33 00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:55,130 Yeah. 34 00:02:57,630 --> 00:02:58,630 Human inspector? 35 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,970 I must say, you've got a sense of humour, madam, haven't you? 36 00:03:01,370 --> 00:03:02,370 Yes, well, come on, mother. 37 00:03:02,570 --> 00:03:05,010 The other bus, we have to catch over here. Come with me. 38 00:03:05,870 --> 00:03:07,090 Oh, bother. 39 00:03:08,190 --> 00:03:10,350 I've got a great big hole in me tights. Look. 40 00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:14,450 Oh, Blakey, look at that, Blakey. Blakey, look. 41 00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:20,570 I don't want to be like that when I've got all this bad. 42 00:03:20,990 --> 00:03:21,839 Well, no. 43 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,300 Well, look, if you've done them on the bus, the company should pay for another 44 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,640 pair. Yeah, hang about, hang about. 45 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,880 What? How did we know that hole wasn't there when this girl got on the bus? 46 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,440 about, I remember when it happened. I did it with my ticket machine. 47 00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:33,260 Your ticket machine? 48 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:36,300 What, down here? Yeah, it was when she dropped her change. 49 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,880 I begged down on me hands and knees to pick it up and I touched her with me 50 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:40,880 little handle. 51 00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,520 I remember feeling it. 52 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,200 I know, Jack, I bet you did. 53 00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:53,570 I suppose if one of our employees admits responsibility, the company will have 54 00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:56,570 to pay for it. I'll let her fill in a blooming fault today. You know, it's 55 00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:00,010 Boxing Day and all. Well, don't. But I might have known if your family was on 56 00:04:00,010 --> 00:04:01,010 the bus, something like this would happen. 57 00:04:01,410 --> 00:04:02,410 Oi, oi, come on. 58 00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:03,690 Romeo, get out. 59 00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:08,570 What's holding you up, Mother's waiting? 60 00:04:08,970 --> 00:04:11,510 Nothing. I just snagged my tights, that's all. 61 00:04:12,110 --> 00:04:13,790 Here, I like that conductor. 62 00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:15,570 Is he a friend of yours? 63 00:04:15,870 --> 00:04:17,050 Oh, Jack, he's my mate. 64 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,800 I tell you what, darling, he's one of the best. One of the best? 65 00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:21,420 He's sex -mad, that man. 66 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:27,020 Not your type at all. Yeah, well, I've got to sign off now. Here, Stan, why 67 00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:29,200 don't you bring Arthur's sister to the social tonight? 68 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:33,500 It's a sort of Boxing Day booze -up. Oh, yes, I'd like that. I think Mother 69 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,020 would like you to remain at home. 70 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:36,500 Come along, Linda. 71 00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:38,540 Over here. 72 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,040 Bye. 73 00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:45,369 She's not bad. 74 00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:46,850 I think she's giving me the old come on. 75 00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:48,070 I don't know. 76 00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,210 What's the matter about that? That's Arthur's sister. 77 00:04:51,630 --> 00:04:53,630 Listen, she's parenting for it. 78 00:04:55,090 --> 00:04:59,390 Look, mate, she's been brought up like Arthur. Not until you're married and 79 00:04:59,390 --> 00:05:00,990 only at Christmas time and bank holidays. 80 00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:05,410 Well, that's the oldest, mate. Boxing day happens to be both. 81 00:05:09,230 --> 00:05:11,270 There's plenty of my Christmas cake left over. 82 00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:13,530 Yeah, we're not surprised. We're chasing it lunchtime. 83 00:05:15,770 --> 00:05:17,410 Who's for another one, then? Oh, 84 00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:19,650 go on, go on, Dudley, go on. 85 00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:22,730 I will, love. I know you will, Mum. 86 00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:25,750 How about you, Linda, darling? No, thanks, Sam. 87 00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:29,710 I've just got time to finish unpacking for you, Mum. It's been a great 88 00:05:29,710 --> 00:05:34,250 disappointment to me that your Olive can't have children. 89 00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:37,850 Well, I'm sure it's nothing to do with my little Olive. 90 00:05:38,910 --> 00:05:41,530 I think I ought to have a little word with her in private. 91 00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:44,390 Oh, don't worry. I do know the facts of life. 92 00:05:45,330 --> 00:05:46,750 Yeah, Mum told her yesterday. 93 00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:48,090 Oh, stone. 94 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:52,250 My mother is not used to those coarse remarks. 95 00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:56,810 God, blimey, Matt, I was only joking. Yes, well, don't. Oh, well, that's all 96 00:05:56,810 --> 00:06:02,890 right. I must say, I find it very disappointing that there isn't another 97 00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:04,450 Arthur on the way. 98 00:06:04,910 --> 00:06:07,190 Thank God for that. We ain't got used to this one yet. 99 00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:13,110 I'm sure we should all love to have another little Arthur. 100 00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:16,910 But it might turn out to be another little Olive. 101 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:21,110 Yes, well, I don't see why we're discussing matters that are rather 102 00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:21,889 me and Olive. 103 00:06:21,890 --> 00:06:25,010 I mean, we don't want to rush into things anyway, do we? You always have to 104 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,050 consider the question of the population explosion. 105 00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:30,710 Oh, there's always room for another little baby. 106 00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:32,450 Blimey, not if they're like him. 107 00:06:33,870 --> 00:06:34,870 It's strange. 108 00:06:34,890 --> 00:06:39,390 your Olive doesn't have children and your Stanley isn't married. 109 00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:43,070 Here, what are you suggesting? 110 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,810 Nothing. But there does seem to be something missing. 111 00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:49,370 Oh, you're right, love. There is something missing. 112 00:06:49,630 --> 00:06:53,030 But you're overlooking one fact. It wasn't me who had the operation. It was 113 00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:58,630 Yes, that's right. Here, never mind, love. Don't bring it up. Never mind, 114 00:06:58,670 --> 00:06:59,770 There's nothing wrong with me and Olive. 115 00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:01,430 Nor with my Arthur. 116 00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:03,050 He was... 117 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,830 healthy until he got married. Never had a thing. Didn't he? 118 00:07:07,350 --> 00:07:11,250 Mind you, I think he got married much too soon. 119 00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:13,550 What, Arthur? Yes. 120 00:07:13,770 --> 00:07:16,810 He was just about to start studying for medicine. 121 00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:21,350 Then he chucked up his whole career for love of your olive. 122 00:07:21,790 --> 00:07:24,130 God, blimey, this is a joke. The winds are all over again. 123 00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:27,750 I don't see there's any necessity to drinking the wrong thing. 124 00:07:28,670 --> 00:07:31,170 I'm not interrupting anything, am I? 125 00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,490 No, love. 126 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,480 Oh, yes, we met on the bus. Oh, yes. Oh, hello. 127 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:38,300 It's our conductor. 128 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,900 Yes, I managed to get the money off the inspector for those kites you tore on 129 00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:46,320 the bus. And luckily, I found a shop open. Oh, look, Mum. 130 00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,360 Oh, and they're my size. 131 00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,580 Here, how did you know my size? 132 00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:54,660 Darling, when a bird gets on Jack's bus, he's worked out a vital statistic 133 00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:56,180 before he's worked out her fare. 134 00:07:57,860 --> 00:07:58,860 Tandy! 135 00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:02,450 Really? Yeah, well, I've got to get off to work now. Look, you are coming to our 136 00:08:02,450 --> 00:08:04,270 social tonight, aren't you? Oh, yes, please. 137 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:05,650 Yeah, well, I'll see you there, then. 138 00:08:06,030 --> 00:08:08,670 I must finish unpacking. Yeah. 139 00:08:09,650 --> 00:08:12,870 Well, I think I'll go out the front way. It's quicker. 140 00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:18,150 Well, frankly, I don't think that the Butchman's Social is the sort of place 141 00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:19,250 that is suitable for Linda. 142 00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:20,490 Oh, why not? 143 00:08:20,870 --> 00:08:23,290 After all, Arthur, it is Boxing Day. 144 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,810 Yeah, we know what these two's are like. 145 00:08:25,210 --> 00:08:29,110 Full of drunken, uncouth louts making advances at women, whether they're 146 00:08:29,110 --> 00:08:33,090 or single. Oh, that's not true. I've been there a couple of times and no 147 00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:34,150 ever made a pass at me. 148 00:08:34,450 --> 00:08:37,570 You should have told me before, darling. I'd have put the complaint before the 149 00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:39,049 committee. Don't be funny. 150 00:08:39,870 --> 00:08:41,950 It's ever so nice of you to ask me out. 151 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:45,210 Mum always watches me at home. I never have a good time. 152 00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:47,510 Yeah, well, you shouldn't put that right. I'll show you how. 153 00:08:47,850 --> 00:08:48,850 Oh, I know how. 154 00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:51,610 Oh, well. 155 00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:54,480 Well, time's getting on. I'd better have a wash and get to work. 156 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,060 Oh, by the way, I'll see you lot at the do then. 157 00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:08,620 If this do is like what Arthur says it is, I don't think Highlander's going to 158 00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:13,540 like it. She's been very well brought up and she certainly doesn't chase after 159 00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:14,540 men. 160 00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:23,640 Linda's going to enjoy it very much. 161 00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:25,560 Oh, don't be stupid, mate. 162 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:30,300 She wouldn't associate with scruffy busmen, least of all your lecherous pal 163 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,300 Jack. You just don't know my little sister. 164 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,580 I've got news for you, Arthur. I don't think you know your little sister. 165 00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:17,270 Thank you. 166 00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:22,090 You're not on your own, are you? You've got a turkey leg in one hand and a 167 00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:23,690 gherkin in the other. Now, shut up. 168 00:10:24,810 --> 00:10:27,710 What's the matter with you? Come on. Well, I'm out of breathness. 169 00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:28,970 Hear that shake? 170 00:10:29,310 --> 00:10:30,650 Shook all me dinner down. 171 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,410 One more shake like that, I'll get rid of the stuffing. 172 00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,330 Come on, have another go. Sit down, me old darling. 173 00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:40,550 Hey, Frankie, Frankie, watch this, right? Oi, not me. I'm cutting in. 174 00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:41,790 You all right? 175 00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,110 Interval. 176 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:53,780 Never mind, my dear. 177 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,120 You'll find he never can get anywhere on time. 178 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,360 Another time died, don't worry. Thank you, thank you very much, Inspector. 179 00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:06,480 I haven't enjoyed a dance so much since I went out with my late husband. 180 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,480 Hey, work your cards, mate. I think you've clicked there, you know. 181 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,740 Hey, partner, how do you fancy him as a new daddy? 182 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,100 You shut up! 183 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,500 Oh, well, some people can enjoy themselves. 184 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,980 I've got to go and see if the buses keep running, right? No, stand it, stand it. 185 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,800 Look, look, instead of making facetious remarks, mate, you might keep an eye on 186 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:29,519 my sister. 187 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,420 If Jack continues to maul her like that, I'll go and knock his block off. 188 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,520 Here, 189 00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:37,660 break it up, you two, will you? 190 00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:41,200 Big brother's got his eye on you, darling. Oh, Ian, me can get lost. 191 00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:43,280 Anyway, I'll get you a round of drinks. What shall we have? 192 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,860 Well, I'll have half a bitter, mate. Half a bitter? How about you, darling? 193 00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:50,180 having a lime. A lime, right. With a large vodka in it. Done. 194 00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:54,990 I said you didn't drink. 195 00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:56,830 Well, does he know what a woman does? 196 00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:59,450 No. I don't think he's ever found out. 197 00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:03,990 Anyway, I'll get them up. You all right? No, better not tell Arthur. No, of 198 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:07,570 course not. Look, mate, make it two rounds, will you, in case they run out. 199 00:12:07,570 --> 00:12:10,230 pay for one. Yeah, all right. Come on, show us the colour of the money, son. 200 00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,150 Come on, I've had it before, mate. All right? 201 00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:14,970 Olive, will you go and sit by my sister? 202 00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,930 Why? To protect her. 203 00:12:17,410 --> 00:12:18,430 Jack's after her. Look. 204 00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:23,500 Look at that. That disgusting, sexy look he's given her. 205 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,640 Don't you recognise it? 206 00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:26,940 No. 207 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,340 No, perhaps not. Just go and sit over there. 208 00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:34,200 What do I have to say to stop them getting sexy? 209 00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:37,320 Absolutely nothing. Just sit there. 210 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:40,480 Is there room for me? 211 00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:42,720 There should be, love. There's two seats. 212 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:44,520 Sit down, love. 213 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:45,900 You having a good time? 214 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,460 Oh, yeah, it's quite nice. 215 00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:49,880 Oh, what's that green stuff you're drinking? 216 00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:55,870 No, it's just lime, that's all, yeah. 217 00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:59,610 Oh, it's nice, very refreshing. 218 00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:01,750 Right, hey, come on, you're back. Oh, great. 219 00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:03,030 There you are. 220 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:06,250 Lovely. Oh, hello, darling. I didn't know you were here. I didn't get you 221 00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:09,170 love. Oh, I'll have one of those limes if it's going spare. 222 00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:11,730 Those gherkins have made me ever so thirsty. 223 00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:13,990 Oh, hang on a minute, just a minute. 224 00:13:15,290 --> 00:13:16,750 It's all right, it's only lime. 225 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:17,970 What are you talking about? 226 00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:20,030 Oh, yeah, it's only lime, yeah. 227 00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:22,550 It's lovely, this lime, isn't it? 228 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,240 It's cold when you drink it, it makes you go all hot inside. 229 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:30,120 Ladies and gentlemen, inspectors and other layabouts, take your partners for 230 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:31,120 another dance. 231 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,800 I've got to get up and dance. 232 00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:38,560 Oh, no, come on, lover boy. 233 00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:43,240 Oh, blimey, she's had three large vodkas already. If she's had those on an empty 234 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,440 stomach, she'll pass out. 235 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,700 Don't worry, won't nothing happen to her. She's never got an empty stomach. 236 00:13:53,770 --> 00:13:56,210 There's lots of things you don't do, but you can start trying. 237 00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:05,050 Hello, Mrs. Roach. Hello, ma 'am. Hello, Mrs. Roach. Would you like another 238 00:14:05,050 --> 00:14:08,490 drink, ma 'am? Have a dance with Mrs. Roach. 239 00:14:09,490 --> 00:14:13,010 My son would like to have a dance with you. 240 00:14:14,110 --> 00:14:16,070 I was just going to ask you, Mrs. Roach. 241 00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:17,830 It's Victor. 242 00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:20,450 Would you like to have a dance with me? 243 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:22,830 Oh, yes, sir. I'd be delighted. 244 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:42,340 When you leave off, you're making a public exhibition of yourself. 245 00:14:42,740 --> 00:14:45,040 Oh, why won't you dance with me, Arthur? 246 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,800 Because the music stopped five minutes ago. 247 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,240 Now get off! 248 00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:54,930 Enjoy yourself. 249 00:14:54,950 --> 00:14:57,030 What has got into that sister of yours? 250 00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,530 She's all hot and excited. 251 00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:02,250 Well, if she's hot and excited, it ain't for you. 252 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,230 Oh, so I say you love me. 253 00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:08,250 What have you been drinking? 254 00:15:08,730 --> 00:15:11,450 She must have had more than a small pulp and lemon. 255 00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:13,270 She can't have done. You've been buying them. Look, 256 00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:18,730 when you sit down and stop making a scene... Oh, for love. 257 00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:21,410 You promised to buy me a drink a bit earlier. 258 00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,440 What about... Oh, yes. 259 00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:25,640 A little later on, dear. 260 00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:30,200 Oh, so that's what you want, is it? I can't. 261 00:15:30,780 --> 00:15:32,720 She happens to be a very nice girl. 262 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,860 Well, if that's what you want, I've got... 263 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,420 Here is a glass of water. Drink that and cool down. 264 00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:20,740 I don't want your glass of water. 265 00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:21,980 You cool down. 266 00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:27,860 You've never managed to warm up. You have gone too far. 267 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,940 God blimey, this is supposed to be the one down here where we enjoy ourselves. 268 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,700 I'm going to the ladies. 269 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,980 Do you think we ought to go after her? 270 00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:45,000 Yeah, you better. She's going into the gents. 271 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,860 I suppose I'd better go with you. She's had enough shocks for one day. Come on. 272 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,720 Disgraceful, dear. 273 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:59,120 Disgraceful. I knew we shouldn't have come. You said we shouldn't. I told you, 274 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:02,200 Mother. Yes, well, I do hope Linda's all right, dear. 275 00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:04,660 It's awfully crowded in here. 276 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,400 Yeah, isn't it? 277 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:10,160 Here, would you like to come out and see one of our butties? We'd be alone 278 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,160 there. 279 00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:12,680 Sounds perfect. 280 00:17:13,619 --> 00:17:15,280 Especially after all those bobcats. 281 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,160 Yeah, you have been knocking them back, haven't you? 282 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:20,640 Do you think I'll be all right? Yeah, don't worry, love. I'll soon squeeze 283 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,640 out of you. 284 00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:23,180 Hey, 285 00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:25,280 just one moment. 286 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:26,800 Where do you think you're going? 287 00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:28,740 Jack's taking me out to show me his bus. 288 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,980 Show you his... Now, 289 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,160 look, mate. 290 00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,720 I'm just about fed up with this drunken brawl. And if you so much as take my 291 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,340 sister out of this room, I'll smash your face in. I know what you're after. 292 00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:43,680 Yeah, all right, mate. I mean, I can always find another bird, can't I? Keep 293 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,340 your hair on. Thanks. No, thanks, mate. 294 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,620 No, well, don't worry. 295 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,159 I'll stay here. 296 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,260 Yeah, very well, then. 297 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,200 Because those teeth are yours to make a very good target, mate. 298 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,260 Look, love, sorry, I can't take you out just now. 299 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,940 Oh, why not? 300 00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:03,880 What d 'you have to say? 301 00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:05,180 Oh, well, nothing. 302 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,160 The social committee want me to help out behind the bar. 303 00:18:10,010 --> 00:18:11,530 Come on, let's have another drink, then. 304 00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:15,010 No, not for me, mate. Look, Linda wants to see over one of our buddies. 305 00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:17,610 Now, I've got to help her out behind the bar. Do you mind showing her around? 306 00:18:17,790 --> 00:18:19,370 No, of course not. Come on, love, I'll show you around. 307 00:18:19,730 --> 00:18:22,550 Here, stand, mate. What? You're laughing there. She's after it. 308 00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:27,970 You've got to be out of your tiny mind, mate. Can't I? 309 00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:29,350 Stop the sister. 310 00:18:29,490 --> 00:18:30,490 Get out of here. 311 00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:35,350 They look bigger in the garage. 312 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,559 Yeah, they do. 313 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,020 Yeah, this is the, what we call the WG model, this one. Oh, yeah? 314 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:44,220 Yeah. I want some little steps, though. Well, you step on there, grab hold of 315 00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:46,700 that handle, pull yourself up, and then you turn that little handle for the 316 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,840 destination, when you walk to the destination board, you see. 317 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:49,499 There we go. 318 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,620 Go on, then. Up you go. Up you go. That's it, darling. 319 00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:52,900 Oh, 320 00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:54,740 is that where you drive it? 321 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,240 Yeah, that's my cabin there, yeah. 322 00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:58,380 Oh, push me up a bit. I want to see inside. 323 00:18:58,700 --> 00:18:59,700 Yeah, all right. Right. 324 00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:01,060 Oh! 325 00:19:05,450 --> 00:19:06,450 Yeah, it is, isn't it? 326 00:19:07,130 --> 00:19:09,990 It's ever so nice of you to show me everything like this. 327 00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,190 Yes, I know how you feel. 328 00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:17,230 If you'd like to press that little green button, you see, darling, it shuts the 329 00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:18,129 doors. You watch. 330 00:19:18,130 --> 00:19:19,130 OK. Right. 331 00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:22,270 Ah, see that? Oh, isn't that super? 332 00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:24,350 Yeah, it is, isn't it? Hey, Stan? 333 00:19:24,710 --> 00:19:27,790 What? I want to turn that little handle. Go on, then. Go on. 334 00:19:28,170 --> 00:19:29,570 Push me up a bit. All right. 335 00:19:30,610 --> 00:19:31,850 Ooh. What? 336 00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:33,630 Haven't you got a nice touch? 337 00:19:38,209 --> 00:19:39,209 There. Yeah. 338 00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:40,730 Stan. What? 339 00:19:41,290 --> 00:19:42,850 Can we go inside the bus? 340 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,130 Yeah, if you want to, of course, yeah. 341 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,490 I'll leave it like that. 342 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:47,930 Then we won't be disturbed. 343 00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:49,550 You're wicked, aren't you? 344 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,310 Oh, no. 345 00:19:51,570 --> 00:19:52,289 What's the matter? 346 00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,210 Oh, I'm snaggling you tight. 347 00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:58,070 Again? You must have done that when you was leaning across the bonnet. 348 00:19:58,270 --> 00:20:01,350 Oh, turn round. I'll have to take them off whilst you're laddered. Get out of 349 00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:02,350 it. 350 00:20:02,570 --> 00:20:04,070 You can't take them off here. 351 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,870 I'll have to take them off round the back of the bus if you fudge. 352 00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,250 Oi, 353 00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:10,450 you want to be careful. 354 00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:13,370 A good driver should always know what's going on at the back of his bus. 355 00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:16,430 Oh, here. 356 00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:20,290 Here, do you think Olive's all right? 357 00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:22,690 She's been in the loop for half an hour. 358 00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:25,490 Well, that's not very long for her, is it? 359 00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:28,610 As soon as she comes out of there, we're all going home. 360 00:20:28,910 --> 00:20:29,910 And where's Linda? 361 00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:31,710 Here. 362 00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:33,129 Where's my sister? 363 00:20:33,130 --> 00:20:35,930 I don't know, mate. Don't look at me. She must be with some other good 364 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:36,930 fella. 365 00:20:37,260 --> 00:20:40,800 Arthur, I think you'd better go and see what she's up to, dear. I think you're 366 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,240 quite right, Mum. Excuse me, please. 367 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:46,300 Mrs. Rudge, as soon as you've finished your drink, if you'd like to come out in 368 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:48,540 the depot, I'll show you over one of our buses. Oh! 369 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,760 Thank you ever so much, Inspector. That's been most interesting. 370 00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:55,860 Goodbye. Mum! 371 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,200 What do you want, darling? 372 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,720 Can you hang on to me tights? I haven't got my bag. 373 00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:02,280 Oh, all right. Then I'll put them in my pocket for you, love. Yeah, yeah. 374 00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:04,380 Can't you open the door? 375 00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:05,620 What? Yeah. 376 00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:09,010 When you're outside, you have to use the emergency button like this. Watch it. 377 00:21:09,610 --> 00:21:10,610 Oh! 378 00:21:11,010 --> 00:21:12,010 It's good, isn't it? 379 00:21:12,510 --> 00:21:13,610 What's in there? 380 00:21:13,910 --> 00:21:16,750 Oh, what, that seat, you mean? And the mop and the broom? Yeah, well, that's 381 00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,010 because they've been cleaning the bus, you see. 382 00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:21,290 Oh, it's a nice seat, isn't it? Oh, yeah, no rubbish. 383 00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:22,630 Nice colours. 384 00:21:23,390 --> 00:21:24,390 Oh, yes. 385 00:21:24,890 --> 00:21:25,970 Well upholstered, yeah. 386 00:21:26,890 --> 00:21:29,450 Yes. Better than the back seat of a Mini. 387 00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:31,930 Yeah. Come on. 388 00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:34,340 Come on. We'll keep coming to dinner. 389 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:38,160 Don't be dark. I mean, don't you want to see how the rest of the bus sort of, 390 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,360 you know, look upstairs? 391 00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:41,100 Upstairs? Yeah. 392 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:42,560 I don't want to smoke. 393 00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:47,140 I think you're nice. Yes, don't you? I think you're nicer than your mate. 394 00:21:47,420 --> 00:21:48,620 I can't. Not with you. 395 00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:50,780 I'm in the mood, aren't you? 396 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,000 Yeah, but listen. 397 00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:57,520 Arthur smashed my face in. It's all right. I'm not like my brother Arthur, 398 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:58,520 know. 399 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,600 Here. I'm not like my sister Olive, either. 400 00:22:07,180 --> 00:22:08,600 Here, wait a minute. What's the matter? 401 00:22:08,980 --> 00:22:09,980 I just remembered. 402 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,240 This bus is private. 403 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:14,620 Here we are, Mrs. Wright. 404 00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:19,600 This is one of our latest models, eh? The WG. 405 00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:22,260 It's quite a brute under that bonnet, I tell you. 406 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,860 We press the emergency button without opening the doors, you see. 407 00:22:46,110 --> 00:22:47,290 It's my daughter. 408 00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:50,170 Oh, thank God for that. I thought it was one of our clippers for a minute. 409 00:22:51,090 --> 00:22:53,530 I mean, we don't want staff troubles, do we? 410 00:23:02,190 --> 00:23:03,190 how it's back. 411 00:23:05,030 --> 00:23:11,190 You took him? I thought he didn't. I took him off because he got snagged. 412 00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:13,230 It's when she leant over the bonnet. 413 00:23:13,690 --> 00:23:15,150 Over the bonnet? 414 00:23:16,030 --> 00:23:18,390 You're a sex maniac. 415 00:23:19,070 --> 00:23:20,570 I always knew you weren't. 416 00:23:21,110 --> 00:23:24,810 A fine pair your son and daughter are. 417 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,550 Here, don't you preach to me. 418 00:23:26,750 --> 00:23:30,510 Your blooming son's now marvel. I told you we shouldn't have come here. 419 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,300 These busman's dues always end in orgies. 420 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:35,260 I haven't had an orgy. 421 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,460 Then you're not likely to get one now. Come on home. 422 00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:40,160 Disgusting behaviour all night. 423 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:47,100 Come along, Linda. We're going straight back to do our petting. I thought you 424 00:23:47,100 --> 00:23:48,800 were staying the week. Well, we're not. 425 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,780 We're leaving first thing in the morning. 426 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,660 Well, I wish I'd have known. 427 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,520 I wouldn't have changed the sheets. 428 00:23:58,410 --> 00:24:02,250 I know this is Boxing Day, mate, but that does not entail you to go in 429 00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:03,530 wrestling on one of our buses. 430 00:24:03,890 --> 00:24:05,130 Oh, come off it, Blake. 431 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,930 Blimey, it was only a bit of fun. A bit of fun? 432 00:24:08,190 --> 00:24:10,830 I wouldn't mind, but this bus is not supposed to be in service. 433 00:24:11,730 --> 00:24:14,010 I don't trust you to come along and mess it up. 434 00:24:14,230 --> 00:24:16,570 I mean, you could have waited another ten minutes. 435 00:24:16,970 --> 00:24:17,970 Eh? 436 00:24:18,550 --> 00:24:19,550 Oh. 437 00:24:19,950 --> 00:24:20,950 Oh. 438 00:24:22,790 --> 00:24:23,910 Oh, God. 439 00:24:24,850 --> 00:24:26,910 But, uh, I've no... 440 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,180 and arriving with your bus many a time now, mate, but this is the first time 441 00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:33,500 I've ever known you not to even get the destination at all. 442 00:24:35,460 --> 00:24:37,800 Oh, he's made my Christmas, isn't he? 443 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:45,400 Oh, marvellous, isn't it? Mate, he's made his Christmas. What a right sexy 444 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,400 Christmas I've had, eh? 445 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,320 The only thing I've got out of this Christmas is a tie and a pair of socks. 446 00:24:50,060 --> 00:24:51,060 Oh, well, maybe Easter.